And so,the letter that I have been waiting for finally knocked on my door on the afternoon of my birthday. Yes,the best birthday present I could ever get if you ask me. 26th May 2010 will be my appointment date and the start to my 2 years career. Heard I will go through hell much in there,I can already imagine the worst.

But all I need right now is the support from family and friends,in order for me to carry on from here. Yes,this is what I wanted since 2nd year and this is already what is blessed upon me. Whether I can take the intense and tough training or not, that will be solely all up to my stamina and how far I can push myself. But really,at times like this,do not even tell me things like 'OMG,good luck ah babe!(in a sarcastic tone)' or ' Die,die,die' because it simply isn't helping. I just want well-wishes from everyone out there because as I've said,this is my choice of career and whether I like it or not, I will have to go through this.

So,I won't be complaining anymore cos somehow I know that my life is gonna change tremendously after this. Tremendous change,that is,be it mentally,physically,emotionally or spiritually. Imma be on my best and tears shed are what makes this worthwhile. I believe in myself, I've always believed what I am capable of doing. I am no longer the 16 year old teenager who cries,complains alot, whines and dunno what to do in times of crisis. I have to be a woman now, I have to face up to reality.

"Tuhanku,
Aku tidak layak untuk syurgaMu
Tetapi aku tidak pula sanggup menanggung
Seksa nerakamu..."

My birthday is in 2 days' time,but I just don't feel the jive. I hope my birthday is still far away,I don't wanna turn 20 too soon. Sigh. And when 17 May comes,it'll just be any other normal days.

My wishlist?

-VANS shoes
-torn and faded jeans
-cargo pants(those sold in billabong those kinds,you know!heh!)

And most importantly,

to be blessed with good health,wealth and whatever best things in life.
for ALLAH s.w.t to open up my heart and pray to him 5 times daily without being told cos' He's the one giving me my life here.
to be happy, appreciative and contented with what I have and never complain of any lackness whatsoever.
to have a job very soon!
to just let me be me.

Amin.

Currently tuning in to Muttons @ Midnight. They fill my weekday nights with laughter and funny-but-lame-but they-nail-it jokes.

Reading back my last few posts,I realised how emotional I was. Talked about nothing but my mundane life and wanting something interesting to perk me up. Geez I guess life is really that bad for me cos yeah basically I'm lazing my ass at home(besides giving tuition). That'll change,I promise you. Things have gotta changed now and for goodness sake,I'm turning 20 yet I'm whining like a baby. I should be well aware that I have gotta run my life and complaining won't do any good.

Oh,I am heading to my village in Malacca tonight. Can't wait to see my cousins,God knows how much I missed them. To visit my late Grandpa and Grandma's grave too. The best grandparents in the world, I know if they're still alive right now,they'll proud of Mama and Papa for raising us to get to where we are right now.Though it has been 10 years now, I still think of them in every step of my way. Wish you were here,life would be simpler then.Sigh.

Anyway, my aunts,uncles and cousins will be tagging along too,I wonder how they'll react when they see my village. Hee! Can't wait to show them around Sungai Udang! Here we comeeeeee!

I am so excited please! Going back to school on the 31st May,hopefully,if all goes well. This shows that I am actually unprepared to enter the workforce, I just cannot foresee myself going into one just yet. But this will do. God,this is just what I need,please make this work for me, I promise I won't screw up anymore.